>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WELCOME TO <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ___ ___ __ __ _____ ___ / __| ___ / _ \ ____ \ \ / / _ _ | __ | ___ ___ / __| | (__ | _ \ | _ | |_ / \ V / | \| | | __| \ \/\/ / \__ \ \___| | / |_| |_| / / |_| | .` | |_____| \ /\ / |___/ |_|_\ /___| |_|\_| \/ \/ --- * Issue 17 * --- --- * C R A Z Y N E W S ! ! * --- Welcome to the 17th Issue of CrazyNews: --- * Contents * --- * Introduction * The News! * 69 Reasons * Admin Admissions! * Skid's Travel Tips * Ask Dr. Spoon * Residents Homepages Competition * Skid's Woodworking Tips * CrazyStats * Classifieds * Corrections * Submit Stuff * Mailing Information --- * Introduction * --- We know, you're sitting there thinking, 'have two months gone by already since the last incredible issue of CrazyNews?' Well, the answer is yes. No, really. Check your calendar. We wouldn't lie. At least not to spods. At least not too often. Anyway, it's October. Time for leaves to fall off trees. Trees. You know, those things outside your window with the leaves on them. Leaves. You know, they're usually kinda greenish. Now they're getting orangy and brown. Oh well, you'd know them if you saw one. On the west side of the Atlantic, it's time for Halloween. On the east side, they always look like that. So, to celebrate, this issue includes several articles that you will not see since they have been abducted by hordes of scary monsters. If you close your eyes you won't even notice they're gone and outside of the improvement, you'll never know the difference. - [Ed] - --- * The News! * --- * Spods Play Hockey * If any of you are hockey fans (or even if you're not), Skid has set up a CrazyLands league on the Sports Illustrated fantasy hockey site. this game is free to play and is in a GM format. What does that mean? It means you get to pick a team (3 centers, 4 wings, 3 defensemen, and 2 goalies) and you have a $50 million salary cap. Then, based on each player's performance as the NHL season progresses, you get points. You can set up your own team by registering at http://hockey.cnnsi.com and selecting the CrazyLands league (the password is 'spod'). * Ostrich Speechless * Ostrich can think of nothing to add here. * New Piccies * Skid has finally updated the Web Page with some news pics (courtesy of Ostrich) after weeks of harrassment from the CrazyNews staff. New pictures include last spring's Toronto Spodmeet. More pictures will be added soon. Check them out at http://www.crazylands.org/pics.html * Ostrich Still Speechless * Ostrich can think of nothing to add here, either. --- * 69 Reasons * --- 69 Reasons to write a CrazyNews article: 1. Skid can only come up with funny articles on his own for so long. 2. Writing takes time away from work and school. 3. The chances of having the New York Times publish you are quite slim. 4. Skid will publish just about anything. 5. You're tired of seeing Skid's name in every article. 6. You think Skid is not funny. 7. Awww, you hurt Skid's feelings. 8. The voices in your head told you to. 9. Your incredible writing skills bring the editor to tears. 10. No, he's still upset about that "not funny" thing. 11. Nobody else has thought of writing "Snowman's Soup Recipies" 12. Haven't you always wanted to send spam to hundreds of ressies? 13. You plan on running for public office and need cheap advertising. 14. Typing burns 1/2 a calorie per hour. 15. You still haven't figured out how to post messages on CL's news system. 16. If you don't, Skid will shoot you. 17. He will also revoke your soup privlidges. 18. Skid's boss will fire him if he spends all his time writing 69- reason articles. 19. You didn't like the Blair Witch Project. 20. What do you mean you didn't like the Blair Witch Project?!? 21. You found three piles of rocks arranged neatly around your keyboard. 22. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is no longer in theaters. 23. Nobody at Slashdot replies to your postings. 24. It's safer than running with scissors. 25. 4 out of 5 dentists recommened writing articles to prevent tartar. 26. It's tax deductable. 27. People might actually read it. 28. You have an important message for Canadian Geese. 29. Osy's Travel Tips went horribly wrong for you. 30. Come on, what else is there to do in Canada? 31. You want to test out the random sentence generator you wrote. 32. You may not be able to think anymore when your biological clock hits the year 2000. 33. The King of England told you to. 34. For every person that reads your article, 5 cents will be donated to save underprivlidged Windows users. 35. Let your cat run around on your keyboard and send in the result. 36. Your dog is jealous of the cat and wants to write an article, too. 37. Horses can't type, silly! 38. The only thing on TV is baseball. 39. Nevyn can use your article as a help file. 40. It will keep you busy while you wait for someone else to log on. 41. It's too cold to go outside. 42. You don't feel like moving after eating all that Halloween candy that you bought early to give out to the kids but it just looked soooo good and now you're stuck in your chair in front of your computer. 43. Something funny happened to you that the hundreds of other people that read Crazynews won't find the least bit amusing, but you feel you need to share it. 44. You accidently sent an email to the wrong address and now the CrazyNews staff has it...muhahaha! 45. It's 4 am and you just finished your term paper and you have far too much caffiene in your body to sleep yet. 46. You didn't really mean that part about Skid being funny, did you? 47. You think Skid is funny and you want to write an editorial saying what a great job he's done with CrazyNews and what a wonderful person he is. 48. If you think it's so easy, *you* try coming up with 69 anything! 49. You have seasonal performance disorder and don't feel like doing much of anything else. 50. Everone you know already heard about the funny thing that happened to you at Swiss Chalet. 51. "Snowman's Snowmanmaking Tips?" 52. You're very opinionated. 53. You're not opinionated, you're just always right. 54. You've read a really good book and you want to tell everyone about it. 55. You've read a really good book and you felt the need to type it out and email it to everyone you know. 56. You have secret information about what really happened to issue #13. 57. You want to appoligize to Skid for saying that he's not funny. 58. You think that you can give better advice than Dr. Spoon. 59. You're a poet and you know it. 60. 15 million Elvis fans can't be wrong. 61. You've finally realized that everything funny that BNL has ever done has been done before on CrazyLands (usually by Skid) and you want to share that realization with everyone. 62. You've come up with 69 uses for pen caps. 63. You've come up with 69 *more* uses for pen caps. 64. What else have you got to do while you're idleing? 65. If you've read this far, you've got more than enough free time to write your own article. 66. Your horiscope said to. 67. It's free! 68. You want your boss to think you're busy. 69. If you don't, Skid will make you go to bed NOW!!! --- * Admin Admissions! * --- Hi there, it's Nevyn again (for about the second time :). So if this admin admissions has more speling errors than usual, you know why. Hopefully most of the bugs are gone, from the talker, now. So feel free to play with all the commands and give me some more to fix :). Yes, I know, that there aren't many help files (What do you mean _any_) at the moment. We have a special task force all ready and prepared, to deal with the problem, but first someone just needs to create a couple more hours in the day for them to work in. So, to help you all out, I've decided to create a small puzzle. Anyone who gets the answer right gets to name a help file they want written (it'll be done by the next issue) although if you get it wrong then you'll have to help write one or submit an article for the next edition of CrazyNews. So here it is... Suppose you're on game show, and you're given the choice of three doors. Behind one door is a car, the others, goats. You pick a door, say door one, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, opens another door, say door 3, which has a goat. He then asks, 'Do you want to change your choice to number 2?'. So which is better, to change or stick ... and why. Take care, ~Nevyn --- * Skid's Travel Tips * --- If you are a Canadian goose, it's that time of year again to migrate south for the winter. Being a goose, you likely know that in travelling across the Atlantic, British Airways offers significant discounts to waterfoul. In travelling south, however, I suggest you try a cruise. You will be the envy of all your friends when you show up on the French Riviera in style. While they're all tired from the exhausting journey, you'll be feeling refreshed and ready for action! Before you rush off and jump on the first boat you come across, I'd like to offer you some travel tips for your annual migration. First, don't ever board a ship in the southern United States. While goose is considered a delicacy in much of the world, only Southerners vacation with their shotguns (just in case). Secondly, stay away from boats surrounded by seagulls. These are either garbage vessels or the ship's food is really bad. Once you have selected your boat, the most important thing to remember is to have fun. Tourists make excellent targets for...erm...after dinner amusement. Keep these tips in mind and you will have the best migratory season ever! Those of you who are not Canadian Geese, stay home! It's cold outside! --- * Ask Dr. Spoon * --- Dear Dr. Spoon, I woke up this morning to find that my llama had run away. I found a note in it's cage that said: "You are spending far too much time spodding so I am leaving you." I was devistated. What should I do? Sincerely, Llamaless in Lleeds Dear Mr. Lleeds, It's ok to admit to yourself that CrazyLands is far more important than your llama. Before long, your llama will realize its own insignificance and come back home. If it doesn't, who cares, it's just a llama after all. Dr. Spoon Send your questions for Dr. Spoon to crazynews@crazylands.org. --- * Residents Homepages Competition * --- This month we announce the first winner of the CrazyLands Homepage of the Month Award, and it goes to: -----~ WINNER ~---- TwoCan http://www.twocan.org/ -----~ WINNER ~----- No, TwoCan is not a new ressie. TwoCan is the code base that CrazyLands has been running on for several months now. Check out the page for the latest news on CrazyLands code and download it yourself to see how it all works! Check out http://www.crazylands.org to see if you're webpage is included If your site doesn't appear on the web ring email Nexus (nexus@crazylands.org), who will arrange for your link to be added. --- * Skid's Woodworking Tips * --- It's harvest time and many of us traditionally carve jack-o-lanterns out of pumpkins for Halloween. Pumpkin carving is much like woodworking except that pumpkins are soft and mushy and are brighter-colored. If your wood is bright orange and is filled with a squishy mess of seeds, you are building your house out of pumpkin. --- * CrazyStats * --- This months CrazyStats effort: Since boot time (Wed, 29 Sep 12:41:01 pm)... Connections: 337 New Connections: 69 Since Wed, 31 Dec 1969 08:00:00 pm... Connections: 4350 Longest Uptime: 1 week, 3 days, 13 hours, 57 minutes and 17 seconds Longest spod: Snowman time: 5 hours, 48 minutes and 31 seconds As of GMT time: Mon, 04 Oct 1999 05:05:07 pm --- * Classifieds, Correspondence Section, Personals * --- * LOST * One monkey. Last seen with Wheezie, Snowman and Ostrich at a Scarborough restaurant. We think he has run away due to excessive spanking. We miss him dearly, and would be very grateful for his return, and would happily provide a reward of all-you-can-eat cole slaw. May answer to the name "Ketchup" or "Tomatoes". * FREE SPACE FOR ALL TO USE! * Your advert here! FREE! This section is where ressies can submit info for other ressies to get in touch with them, to start (or end) a love connection, or to buy or sell goods or information! Please note that all adverts are free, and any one advert will only be run for 3 issues of CrazyNews. The editors reserve the right to remove an advert or decline to display it at anytime. --- * Corrections * --- Nope, still no corrections. The CrazyNews Staff is just that good. --- * Submit Stuff * --- If you want to submit anything, use the following email addresses to send your stuff. Please remember that all the usual rules about content apply, and the editors reserve the right to change any submitted articles. Please make sure you say so if you do not wish your name and/or email address to be published!! crazynews@crazylands.org All submissions, jokes or debate topics, etc. crazy@crazylands.org Any email to admin, complaints, etc. Back Issues - Soon to be available on the web page. Currently available at: crazynews@crazylands.org --- * Mailing Information * --- This email has been sent to you because you're a resident on CrazyLands, the talker which runs at: crazylands.org 6969 See our web page at http://www.crazylands.org for more information. If you do not wish to receive this email, please log onto the talker and type: crazynews off If you do not know why you have been sent this mail, please let us know at: crazynews@crazylands.org ...send along the email address that you received this email at and any character names you may have had on the program. Your email address is never published to users or external sources. It is a rule of the talker that you must set a valid email address however, so that you may be contacted if there is a problem or with important talker information. This is not a stored mailing list. --- * The End (of issue 17)! * ---